This is brutal.
Some people had warned me about how hard it is to send students off every year (especially elementary school teachers who see the same 30 or or so kids for around 7 hours a day for 180 days... although by day 170 elementary school teachers are probably ready to kick those kids out their doors, so maybe elementary school teachers have it easier...), but I was not prepared for how attached I'd get to my kids this year, especially my AP Literature and Composition students.
By the end of my first year, after winging about 30 lessons, actually planning/creating 30 or so for myself, stealing another 30 or so online, and working off of 15+ different units I created, I am convinced of this:
Teaching is all about knowing your students.
Every lesson, every unit, every essential question, everything that goes on in the classroom is based off the relationship a teacher has with each student and the ability to analyze the summation of all relationships in each period to gauge what each class needs. Even though I only had two different preps (ERWC and AP Literature and Composition), I taught 5 different classes based on the ways my students responded to me in each class. This is also why I love teaching. For me, teaching is the art of wooing students to love not the teacher, but the material in the way the teacher presents it. A teacher must rise to the challenge of truly getting to know all students' needs and interests and desires in order to draw them into the content being taught. This is where my greatest strength lies (when people ask me what my strengths are, I love telling people, "I'm a Woo!" because it makes them think I misunderstood their question and am only telling them my last name, haha [and, no, in case the name of my blog wasn't clear enough, I'm not a Wu, I'm a Lin]), and I sincerely believe my first year of teaching was successful because I recognized how to utilize this greatest strength of mine. Lessons go well or not well based on how well the lesson got students to buy into the content based on their level of motivation to connect with the material. The first quarter or even first semester of the school year will be littered with not-so-great lessons because you're still figuring out your kids and what they need and like, but the second semester becomes that much better because you're in the flow of the relationship and you can joke and laugh and cry and be stern with them and they will take it all in the context of that safe space you created for them in your relationship and in your classroom. So, for me, any reflection on any lesson throughout the year is actually a reflection of how well I understood each student and their role in the overall classroom culture in context of the content being taught.
Yes, there were times right before Spring Break when I thought I would literally rather be dead than have to go in my classroom and face my students, and yes, there were a lot of lessons that I knew needed stronger closings or needed to be broken down into multiple days so that my students could grasp the content better (especially my going over some rubrics since I write too much and my rubrics are essentially essays organized into charts which, ultimately, actually made them more confusing... I will have to fix that for next year, especially since I'll be working with 9th graders), but I would not have traded my relationships with my students for any other profession or better pay this past year. It is an honor to have shared in the laughter, tears, confusion, and mess of other emotions with each student I had a real relationship with, and I am proud to say that I am apparently one of some of my students' favorite teachers (their words, not mine), or I at least surprised most of my students in the kind of classroom they ended up in this past year.
Of course, I decided to buy a yearbook of my first year teaching, and of course, I asked my students to sign said yearbook. It got filled pretty fast since this year's yearbook didn't include extra pages for people to leave signatures, but most students ended up writing separate notes and cards anyway. I am also proud to be say my yearbook is filled with so many thoughtful, kind, appreciative words from my students this year that I am fueled to be more creative, meet more students' needs, and be an even better teacher next year!
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| This student was the first student to come up to me after a long break and say, "I really missed you and your class during break, Mrs. Lin!" I never felt so welcomed back to my classroom. She is known as "sweetheart" to all her other teachers, too. She described herself (and her friends did, too, haha) as "a hot mess," and she lived up to that. But I love her and she still passed my class with a lot of hard work and through difficult life situations I shall not mention here. |
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| This student (the writing on the bottom; it's really hard to see, though) is one I hope will visit me as often as possible even though she's going to USC (on a full ride, too! I'm so proud!). She really felt like a daughter to me in the class, and she was the first student to whom I said, "I love you." Am I allowed to say that to students? |
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| At first, I thought my student went out and specifically bought monogrammed cards for each of his teachers, but after closer inspection, it turns out he actually cut the letter out of the circle himself! That realization really moved me. |
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| This was the note inside the card. It made me both laugh and cry, and it was actually the perfect summation of my first year of teaching. This student was a stellar writer (which is why it's even funnier that he missed whole phrases when writing the card, haha), and full of the best kind of humor. This kiddo is definitely one I will miss the most. |
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| I hope students don't just write about visiting as a pleasantry, because I would love to see this student again after she gets settled into Berkeley. (: |
Most of these are hard to see due to where the students had to write since there wasn't enough space in my yearbook, but they are mostly for my eyes only anyway. There are tens more of these notes and yearbook messages like these, but each one was just a little different based on the student and the relationship I had with that student. I can honestly say I will miss every single little bugger from my classes this year, even the ones I had rougher relationships with, and I'm going to have a hard time moving on from these first kids to the next batch. It'll get easier every year with practice, right?
Every long-term teacher says that they always remember their first year teaching's students. I believe my first year's students will not be any different. I could tell you a little something about all 142 of my kids this past year, but it would not be a wise thing to post on a somewhat public blog. But I also know that I will do my best to remember every student I teach because, after all, teaching is all about the students, and how can you not remember someone you've built a relationship with after seeing them every weekday for 52 minutes for 180 days? I just hope I keep remembering to build those relationships.
To any students who find my blog out there, know that I will always treasure you and love you!
